When one starts preparing for UPSC exams, one who clear dedication in mind. But halfway through the journey, you realize that it is not worth to place all your cards on this exam. It's not only a career that one is looking for in civil services. One is going to be part of one of the most complicated administrative system of the world. Even if you are a Class 1 officer, you might have to pay extra fees for getting many things in the system. Not to mention that constant attacks that officers(especially IAS and IPS) face for doing their jobs. Imagine that one has cleared the exam, secured top rank and managed to become Deputy Commissioner of Police in some big city. One day an elected representative and asks you to take action against some of your subordinates who were actually doing their jobs. Now one can't simply say no to these people (for obvious reasons). But you dared to say no and you are slapped in front of public. You retaliate and slap back (Which anyone should rightly do) and all hell broke loose. You are attacked by mobs, condemned by everyone and suspended. Your own officers won't stand with you because of caste and regional loyalties or they are simply afraid. You try to lodge a case but are rebuffed by your own seniors, batchmates, and even juniors.So basically humiliated and neglected by the same establishment that is supposed to protect you.
This might not be the story of just a few officers but many who intend to live with self-respect while doing their duty. In developed countries, people would firmly back such officers and political intervention would be least but in our country, it is considered a democratic right of elected representatives to meddle in every aspect of administration especially welfare schemes and law and order. There are many who leave these services and go for private jobs where can earn in millions legally. There are many who prefer to take greener pastures abroad never to return back. One might even argue that they are leaving their duty towards the country but they are normal human beings. One can tolerate threats, pressure and humiliation only to some extent. No one is saying that these things are not going to happen in other jobs but in elite civil services of India, one is simply expected to tolerate these things.
So is it worth it to concentrate on one competitive exam while sacrificing other career options? Apparently not. Keeping this is mind, I have decided to give entrance exams for South Asian University, New Delhi. People who know me very well might be shocked to hear about my decision. I completed my graduation in law last year and had to give supplementary exams even after final session was over. I was happy to get rid of the university and living in the hostel. So people are asking why I want to join Masters in International Law now. The simple answer might be my guilt for messing up my five years in the law school, getting into drinking spree, disappointing my parents, getting debarred and attempting suicide. What happened to me? Even I can't be sure of that. But what is going to happen would be decided by me and not the circumstances around me.(If you are an officer, then you have the least control over what is going to happen to you. :) )
So I would be juggling between two burdening tasks- Preparing for UPSC examination and completing my LLM from SAU, New Delhi.